I agree with this. If you have talked to him about it before and he didn’t change, it’s because it’s your issue, not his. You can try to “convince” him of the benefits of saving money, you can manipulate him through tears and guilt trips, and you can even give him ultimatums. But you can’t make him change. If you don’t see concrete steps (ie him reading books on personal finance, making a budget, talking to you about it) within a couple of weeks, I’d say it’s a lost cause.

Preach!

Thank you JP, I hope things continue well for you also!

I couldn’t disagree more with MandyT’s assessment from the lens of my experience. I was willing to work with him and compromise and grow together, but when I laid out very basic principles that were important to me, he told me point blank he wasn’t willing to try changing anything. That’s so frustrating – why should I be the only one in the relationship to change and grow? How does that make sense? We’re all flawed and we should all be addressing our faults, but it’s not one partner’s job to do all the changing and growing, nor should they have to direct all the change. That’s exhausting. We should accept our own responsibility, naturally, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to be frustrated if our supposed partner won’t work with us as part of a team until we’re perfect.

Grow together, y’all!

Amen on that last one…

If he’s not motivated after “the talk” then there’s no hope.

Could be correct there, if you’re assuming all men are tameable ;) We also don’t know how much – or long – Elle has been bringing this up over time, though I am glad we are seeing different opinions here as you’re right that it takes two to tango.

I still feel like I’m in my 20’s too, though I just hit the big 4-0 (!!!).

When you’re old like me you’ll have all those debts paid off and sitting much prettier :) Keep on going!

YESS!! GO GO GO Jackie!! You are strong and the new steward of that money!! Your father would be proud!! :)

Agree and I have a similar story here. We’ve been married 3.5 years and have progressed further down this path with similar income trajectory. Congrats to you, Megan and hope that everything continues well for you!