I’d say let it go, it’s his money too.

That’s a fair idea :)

Yes, there is money being wasted, but he evidently feels like it’s “helping” him reach his goal or he wouldn’t be so adamant about not cancelling. That it’s not actually helping is a conclusion he’ll have to come to on his own. You can’t change people or make them learn or realize something no matter how obvious it is to you and how much you want to. Accept that and let it go. Concentrate on figuring out how to fairly allocate your funds to achieve both goals.

Personally, I think the “fair” solution is to weight both of your goals with an equal monetary amount. If he gets $181 on fitness, you get $181 towards debt repayment (on top of minimum payments or however much you both agree should go towards prepayment). If there isn’t enough funds available, either you both get less (and the gym membership dies, Don’t rub it in!) or you both agree to make cuts elsewhere. But that’s my own opinion of fair. Whatever works for you two is awesome.

Darn emotions! That’s exactly what’s at play here. :)

It’s actually a martial arts called hapkido, and while it’s more costly than the gym, he attends up to 4 times a week. At that rate, the cost is very doable, but some of the value he gets from it – such as feeling like part of a community, the weight loss, and the emotional ego boost from learning new skills – is harder to put a dollar amount on. I’m hoping some of the suggestions here – both from J$ and comments – will help us get through this little bump in the road. Thanks for your input!

Aw, I like that they use their funds for one another sometimes. What a sweet idea! :) I think something like that would work for us since I definitely am a saver. I rarely spend on myself, but having a bit of fun money might help alleviate stress when it comes time to look at what he has for discretionary spending versus me. Thanks for your comment!

Hey Aimee – we used to be at a $10/month gym, but it was super crowded. The $32/month gym is near his work and has more space, but like my letter said, he always says he will attend but hasn’t in quite some time. In fact, I think we didn’t know our baby’s sex the last time we went, and we found that out in May 2013!

I’m not sure if they have day passes but that might be something worth checking. And it would certainly be more reasonable than my (perceived) nagging on the issue. :) Thanks for the encouragement! He’s made good progress and seems happier being part of a martial arts community. And THAT is definitely worth its weight in membership fees. :)

Are you my husband’s secret other wife? ;) Just kidding! Sounds like you have it all figured out as far as communication goes. Hopefully if I can sit down with him and talk about it more we can be more in sync like you and your spouse. Thanks for your comment!

Great idea. :) I have a pretty solid plan right now to pay off a smaller student loan, then whittle down the smaller car payment to nothing before tackling the last car payment. I am the one that primarily handles the budget, but we’re slowly working on having the both of us see what has to be paid versus our discretionary spending. Having solid numbers on paper will definitely help in the end!

The two cars is a great point and, for our circumstances, isn’t something we can completely eliminate since we both must commute to work and have very different schedules. We got the newest car in March of last year and it has the higher payment but no interest. The new (to us) car I got in July replaced a 13 year old heap of junk with no A/C and is a huge help now that we have an infant because now that we have her, we’re going to need a car that has air conditioning in the humid Midwest summers. That car has a reasonable interest rate but a lower payment, so hopefully I can pay it off pretty fast compared to the first car. Perhaps eliminating the membership will help. :)

Thanks for your comment!